Let “Quick, Slow, Simmer” Be the Golden Rule of Listening & Communicating!
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” James 1:19-20 [NIV]
You’re only half listening. Your spouse is still talking, and you’re already polishing your comeback. We’ve all done it, and it rarely ends in genuine connection.
In fact, God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. James 1:19 sets the order for doing marriage God’s way, and it means three things when communicating:
- BE QUICK to listen… immediately and attentively.
- BE SLOW to speak… with intention and assurance.
- BE SLOWER to anger… breathe and simmer down!
When we listen to understand rather than to rebut, we season our words with grace, speak the truth in love, and offer the gentle answers that help turn away wrath. In essence, listening matters far more than responding, and understanding begins there!
It’s also how we have HOT conversations (Honest, Open, Transparent) and reach resolution instead of maintaining conflict. Even our posture and facial expressions can speak louder than words!
Jason and I say, “Listen to connect, not to correct.” Know that we won’t get this right every time. However, God’s grace can meet us in sharp replies and contention and lead us back to the table together!
Reflection Questions:
- When we communicate, is our aim to win the conversation, be heard, or understand each other better and grow closer?
- What one habit could we practice for 21 days to listen better and speak more clearly when communicating?
Praying for Attentive Listening & Effective Communication in Our Marriage:
Father, thank You for giving us two ears and one mouth. Quiet our rebuttals, and teach us to listen until we truly understand each other. When anger rises, help us breathe and answer gently. Thank You that Your mercy covers the moments we miss. Lastly, Lord, season our words with grace so our home reflects Your love. In Jesus’ name we pray… Amen.
