Warning: This article might cause you to throw away everything you thought you knew about love and marriage!
In Part I of our blog series on the four truths no one tells us about love and marriage, we shared the first two truths.
- True Love Isn’t What You Think
- True Marriage is Not a Contract
Now, we’re sharing the other two truths that may even sting a little. But as we always say, ‘know the truth and be free,’ paraphrased from Jesus’ words in John 8:32. The truth is, many of us grow up with preconceived notions about love and marriage, or we take what we saw and experienced from our upbringings as the gospel on love and marriage. And trust us, we know that, like us, many of you have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of love and marriage, leaving stains on our perception that often impact our own marriages.
Yet, once again, we pray you’ll be blessed and enlightened by what you learn from the other two truths we’re sharing in this article. So, fasten your seatbelts and read on!
#3 “Happily Ever After” is a Lie
We’re sure you’ve read those stories, or watched those movies, where they end with that famous fairy tale line: ‘and they lived happily ever after!’ When you really consider that line and compare it to the realities of life, you’ll find that it’s extremely unfair and deceiving on so many levels!
Not only do we not know what actually happens after they ride off into the sunset, but we’re also forced to guess and assume the story’s “ever after.” Additionally, they leave us with misconceptions about love and marriage, as if every day will be perpetually happy, with laughter, skipping, and dancing until we die. (LOL)!
Here’s how happiness relates to marriage:
Just as happiness is conditional and contingent in life, so it is, and will always be, in your marriage. On most days, life will go well, and you’ll “feel” happy about it. But the moment conditions change, even within the same day, your happiness can soon turn into something else at the drop of a hat! You’re happy one minute, then sad or angry the next, consistently keeping your marriage on an emotional roller coaster with no feasible way to get off.
This reality means we cannot base our marriage and home life on happiness or any other conditional emotion. However, we can base it on “joy!” Happiness is temporary; joy is an eternal gift and spiritual emotion that comes directly from God’s supply line. Thankfully, this means we can always choose to have joy in our marriages, despite the realities of our current conditions.
Furthermore, we can have joy in the midst of chaos and turmoil. Regardless of the circumstances or situations we face in our marriage, we can rely on joy as a source of hope and strength because we know who is with us and for us, and who holds our days…God!
Jason likes to think of happiness as a thermometer, constantly controlled by outside conditions or forces. And joy is like a thermostat; it regulates and sets the conditions from within and remains constant despite outside forces. The only way to lose joy is to give it away voluntarily!
#4 The Whole “Soulmate” Thing is a Myth
This is another truth no one tells you about, and people assume you may already know it: your spouse is not your soulmate. We know this might sting a little because the notion always sounds deep and amazing, but let us explain!
God does not join souls in marriage. He joins flesh, and in that, our souls will share earthly experiences, but the soul isn’t what makes us one. Our souls belong to God alone, created in His image and likeness. In marriage, however, He takes two people and makes them become one in life together, just as He did with Adam and Eve.
Your spouse was not magically predestined to “complete” you, as if you were half a person before you met them. Instead, God intended both spouses to be complete and whole in their own soul. Then He takes two whole people and unites them to become one and live one life together.
Remember, God presented that particular person to you as a partner to carry out His purpose through both of your lives (like iron sharpening iron). And because He orchestrated your meeting and coming together, He already knew the type of person who would be compatible with you.
That’s where we get the verse in Matthew 19:6b where it says, “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Ultimately, it’s God who brings two people together, and He’s the “supreme matchmaker” in our book!
Becoming one flesh takes a lifetime of intentional marital work that isn’t sorrowful or burdensome.
On the outside, it can seem impossible: taking two separate lives with different backgrounds and ideals, then causing them to unite and develop one new life in sync and harmony. But with God, it’s very possible, and if it weren’t, He wouldn’t have commanded us to do it!
At the same time, though, we’ll always need His insight and guidance to accomplish this in marriage. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24
Know This: We can only become one flesh, not one soul; and we can’t accomplish this without God’s power and presence in the midst of our marriage.
Be encouraged to apply these truths to your marriage and win!
Every God-joined marriage has a divine purpose: to ultimately glorify God in and through our union. This means your marriage has a great purpose, too! Although the platform may differ, the result is the same. And as I mentioned in the last article, the more you know about marriage, the better you can do in conducting it daily… if you both choose to do so.
Yet, none of what you’ve learned about love and marriage through these articles will automatically make married life easier. Knowledge will always require application if we want genuine results and lasting success!
However, if you both have faith, these truths can mean the following for your marriage:
- Although you’ll face challenges in marriage, remember to choose His source of eternal joy instead of conditional happiness.
- Thriving, succeeding, reconnecting, and experiencing full marital satisfaction IS possible when we remain committed to becoming “one” in this earthly life.
- Operating your marriage as God intended will always require His help and guidance found only in His Word.
- We experience success when both spouses commit to making consistent, heartfelt, and committed efforts each day.
Additional Help is Always Available!
How would you feel if you and your spouse entered a coaching session where two experienced coaches were for your marriage and committed to ensuring both of you were heard and properly represented? Well, that’s what coaching with us looks like.
When you’re ready to learn more about our “Two Coach Approach” to faith-based marriage coaching and experience a stronger, healthier marriage, click one of the following links to get started!
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