Truths No One Tells You About Love & Marriage- Part 1

Here’s the beautiful part: If you discover these four truths together, your marriage could be all the better for it.

Question: ‘Before you got married, or if you’re heading toward marriage now, did anyone share or explain to you the difference between a contract and a covenant?’ Well, we didn’t get that conversation, and there were moments when we wished we had! We’d also venture to say it’s likely that at least half of you didn’t get that conversation either!

Thankfully, Part I of this blog will bless you with insights on the first two important truths no one tells us about love and marriage. Because when we know better, we can do better when we put our minds to it!

So read it, share it, and tell the world about it, especially to those you know who are considering marriage or currently struggling in the one they have.

#1 True Love Isn’t What You Think

Have you ever had a notion or belief about something only to discover it wasn’t true? Someone busted your fallacy bubble, and you were left wondering what in the world just happened! Then, you ask yourself, ‘Was this just my experience, or did this discovery happen with other people, too?!’ That’s exactly what happened to us when we learned what true, genuine love is.

To define love accurately, let me first share what love is not.

• Love is not great sex.
• It’s not just simply saying the words, “I love you.”
• Love is not a feeling that overtakes you or makes you lose control.
• Love is not stagnant, as if once you’ve arrived at the pinnacle goal, you’ve accomplished it and can check the box.
• Lastly, love isn’t something that you “fall” into or out of, like a bed!

Love is a verb, an action word; it’s something that you express.

To love someone means you’ve made a personal and conscious decision to serve someone and meet their needs for their benefit and betterment. Love is giving, serving, caring, supporting, and sacrificing. Love is also a proper noun, a Person… God Himself. According to 1 John 4:16, “God is LOVE” in the purest and most original sense, making Him the Source and Creator of human, earthly love. John 3:16a says this: ‘For God so loved the world that He GAVE…’ Therein lies the action word, “gave.”

The “feelings” we experience and associate with love are actually the byproducts that we often misinterpret as love.

Feelings, like compassion and passion, are the common emotions that move and compel us to express the various acts of love mentioned above. For instance, we feel compassion when we love someone and desire to protect, serve, and support them with tender care or concern. Passion is the emotion we feel when we want to give of ourselves and find pleasure in sharing an intimate connection with our spouse. It’s also important for me to note that passion goes far beyond and is deeper than sexual intimacy; passion can be selfless in terms of service, dedication, and commitment to others.

In the confines of marriage, God designed love to function as a verb and sometimes a noun. As a result, we could make the following statement and be entirely correct in our assessment of love: ‘My spouse is the object of my affection and the one I want to serve and share my life with.’

In marriage, true love should be a mutual expression of service that consistently grows and evolves over time, maturing and drawing both spouses closer to God and to each other. Love and marriage should go hand in hand as both partners commit to reciprocal acts of love toward one another. A “love match,” if you will. That’s where we get the concept of the “love triangle,” with God at the apex of your marriage covenant.

#2 True Marriage Is Not a Contract

Speaking of covenant, have you watched our latest podcast? In episode 14 of Love Letters with Jason & Ros, we share the truth behind the marriage covenant and what every couple, or person considering marriage, needs to know. Watch now!

Many of us enter marriage wearing rose-tinted glasses, thinking about our own happiness and viewing it the way we view a typical agreement: ‘I’ll uphold my end of the deal as long as you uphold yours.’ And when things get hard enough, there is always the “exit clause.” Unfortunately, that’s the definition of a contract, and the hard truth is that all contracts have terms, conditions, and an inevitable expiration date.

However, in Genesis 2:18-25, God reveals to us the real story and truth about His marriage covenant. When God brought Eve to Adam, Adam recognized her immediately as ‘bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.’ In other words, God didn’t introduce a business partner; He created a woman who was suitable and compatible with Adam and for the work that He called Adam to do.

When God ordained marriage, He created an enduring, earthly covenant and sacred promise that represented the union of a man and woman becoming one flesh. The marriage covenant was established to provide couples with a lifetime of stability and reassurance that lasts beyond life’s circumstances. Contracts end, but the marital covenant was designed to end only when one spouse passes away. Fortunately, our covenant with God through faith in Christ lasts through all eternity.

What the Bible says about how to do marriage:

Jason and I walk engaged and married couples through what we call the Bible’s “Marriage One Course.” We explain that since God is the manufacturer of marriage, He always has and always will know how we should properly operate it to ensure it lasts. His design and purpose for earthly marriage can only be found in the following foundational truths:

Genesis 2:18-25 | In marriage, we are to:

• Leave our parents
• Be joined to our spouse
• Become one flesh
• Be naked
• Remain unashamed

Genesis 1:27-28 | As husbands and wives, He commands us to:

• Be fruitful
• Multiply
• Fill the earth
• Subdue it
• Have dominion

How does your marriage compare so far?

God designed your marriage for a great purpose, built on a covenant blueprint. However, the first two truths you learned in this blog don’t automatically mean that married life will be easy.

With faith, it can mean peace in knowing that:

1. God is our Creator and constant Supply-Source of genuine love and affection.
2. He is with us and for us when we keep Him first in our marriage.
3. God didn’t design the marriage covenant to be complicated, but complex.
4. We must look to Him to guide our steps and show us how to conduct daily marriage.
5. Doing marriage God’s way requires consistent, heartfelt, and committed effort from both spouses.

If you’re in a hard marital season right now, or feeling uncertain about an important relationship, know that there’s hope and we can help through faith-based marriage coaching. Your love and marriage are definitely worth fighting for, so when you’re ready to go deeper, click one of the following links to get started!